Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
