Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
