I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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