Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am one with the molecules
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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