Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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