Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
