we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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