If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
