I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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