Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
