For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize