you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Come see our sink grown plant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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