so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
