can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize