im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize