get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My vagina just recognized that song.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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