Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
