God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
