Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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