I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
