There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
