I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
