We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
