dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
