imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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