Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
