Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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