dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
