Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
