I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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