Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
