Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You took a bar mat shot.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
