He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
