Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
