I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
