I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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