I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Every concussion has its silver lining
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
