His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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