At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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