A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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