Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
