I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
