I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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