My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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