His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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