what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
