I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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