I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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