How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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