Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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