we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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