we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The air was thick with penises
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
