I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
