i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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