You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
