god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
