i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
