shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
