no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
