Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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