I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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