The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
