That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
