Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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